Out of all of the equipment I own, this is the one piece I always get questions on – so why not write an article to see if this wild machine is a fit for you and what you’re looking for.

The Serious Kit is quite the powerhouse of a machine, although having the word “milker” in the name is a misconception. This machine is first and foremost a genital pump on steroids. If you are not even the slightest bit into pain, this machine will 100% not be what you’re looking for. At its best uncomfortable, and at its worst it may feel like your genitals are being forcibly removed from your body. I can control this to an extent, but it does need a vacuum seal to be able to function, and the pump is strong enough to be able to have multiple attachments going at once – it’s chaos in a package.

While the machine has attachments for all genders/ genitals and expressions, it also has two main functions which are to engorge and pump up and down, or in and out. Most of my attachments are metal, which if of interest can also be conductive. I do have a less intense version for penises with a silicone sleeve. Since as stated above, the main function of the machine is to be a “pump”, it will leave any part of the body this meets swollen. I can mitigate swelling, but it will always be there when the machine is used no matter what attachment is used. This will go down within a few hours to a day or two depending on your care i.e. icing yourself. This machine can also cause hickey like bruises, blisters and hematomas if not used properly.

If you are a well-endowed penis owner, this machine may also not be the right fit for you. I have two attachments that can accommodate men around seven inches in length, but anything beyond that tends to be the wrong kind of uncomfortable. If you’re too girthy, it can also cause extreme discomfort. In the coming year I will be specialty-ordering attachments for the kit, but do not have any at this time. This machine works best for those who are 3-6” in length.

I want to cum repeatedly, will the milker force me to do this?

Probably not. Unfortunately, this machine has no rhyme or reason for who anatomically will connect with it, and who won’t. From my experience, even those who really, really like the cold hard relentless control of the machine, one orgasm is difficult to achieve, more than that is a unicorn.

I am not into pain, are you sure I wouldn’t like it?

While I cannot predict who will, and who won’t like this machine, the consensus is that if you do not like any kind of force, pulling, pumping or discomfort with your junk, you will more than likely not like this machine on any level.

Why is your tribute higher for the Serious Kit?

My tribute is slightly higher than my base rate (which is on par for most professionals) for a myriad of reasons. This machine is one of three available public ones in Canada, and cost about as much as a car for the machine and the attachments I have for it. It took me many months to be able to safely, confidently and expertly master the machine; misuse can cause serious injury.

How do you clean it in between uses?

The machine in its entirety is cleaned after each use. The main cleaner used is Virex 2 (quaternary ammonium compound); a heavy grade hospital disinfectant. All of the attachments and lines are sanitized with this.

If this machine is kind of painful, what scenes is it good for?

It really depends on the physical sensation or the emotions you’re looking to invoke with a scene. This machine is a brut, and really great at making someone feel vulnerable and helpless. It’s great for sensation play, electro play, overstimulation and medical scenes just to name a few.